Lifestyle

Beating the sex drought

Q MY WIFE and I have been married for more than 40 years. We used to get on well but our sex life was sporadic.

When it did happen, it was mutually satisfying and often she said we should do it more. During pre- and post-menopause, things changed. My advances cause annoyance and I feel that we will never make love again but the urge is very strong on my part.

Is there a way I can suppress my sex drive to keep harmony?

 

A MUCH of a shared life, not just our love life, needs to be negotiated.

Two people who share a life need to be flexible about their desires, preferences, choices, hopes and goals so that two individuals can share a mutually rewarding and happy life together.

When it doesn't work, one or both people will be unhappy.

Resentments can build, and those buried resentments and unmet expectations can fester over time and create larger problems than if they had been dealt with immediately.

Many people don't like to face sexual issues or deal with problems in their relationship right away. Desire discrepancy between partners is common.

After all, while you may think of one another as your other or better half, you are not in fact two halves of one being, but rather two (often very different) individuals who are trying to share a life and relationship together.

You, together as a couple, need to decide if you want to be happy in a companionate relationship at this point or if you'd like to invest in reconnecting passionately and increasing libido for your wife, and reigniting your sex life, even sporadically as it once was.

If she is agreeable to trying, it means working on all aspects of your intimacy as a couple, not just between the sheets, as everything you do positively together increases her desire.

Her hormones may not be working in her sex drive favour any more, but that isn't the only thing that sparks desire, so it is possible to regain a love life together, if you're creative and invested.

If not, I would still encourage you to express yourself sexually privately, rather than suppress your sexual drive altogether.

After all, sex is good for you and those who engage in a regular sex life have fewer heart attacks, fewer strokes, higher immunity and greater overall health.

 

>> To read more lifestyle stories

Topics:  dating, lifestyle, marriage, sex



Former boyfriend's tribute to Home Hill stabbing victim

Jamison Stead met Mia Ayliffe-Chung on the Gold Coast in April. Photo: Facebook

"Mia was a beautiful soul who was always looking out for people."

‘Tireless’ principals paid tribute over new Ballina school

School principals thanked for their role in merger

Grave concerns for man missing a week

Jesse Southam-Marsh is missing.

GRAVE concerns are held by friends and family of Jesse Southam-Marsh

Latest deals and offers

The Hard Word reviews Kyzer Soze

Kyzer Soze are playing Brisbane tomorrow at the Crowbar in Fortitude Valley. Photo Contributed

Kyzer Soze summon the evil for this mighty slab of death metal

Britney Spears 'almost drowned' in Hawaii

Britney Spears has revealed she 'almost drowned' while on holiday

Doco reveals real story behind Black Hawk Down

Former Black Hawk pilot Mike Durant shares his story, which helped to inspire the movie Black Hawk Down, in the TV series No Man Left Behind.

FORMER pilot recounts ordeal which inspired a Hollywood movie.

What's on the big screen this week

Toby Kebbell and Jack Huston in a scene from the movie Ben-Hur.

AN OLD classic returns to the big screen with a new young star.

Bachelor Richie gives bacon-loving Noni the boot

Noni Janur features on this season of The Bachelor.

TOOWOOMBA swimwear designer still single but focusing on her career.

Zumbo's Just Desserts serves up magical dishes

Gigi Falanga, left, joins hosts Adriano Zumbo and Rachel Khoo on the TV series Zumbo's Just Desserts.

ADRIANO Zumbo’s decadent creations have become prime-time viewing.

ISLAND FOR SALE: Cheap Fraser Coast island drops price again

Suna Island in the Great Sandy Strait will be auctioned by Ray White Hervey Bay on Saturday morning.

This is the cheapest island you will find for sale in Australia

How a family home can fit on a 250sq m block

This is what you can build on 250m2.

Here's the floor plan of a home built on 250sq m

Investors eye Gladstone's $4m island with resort approval

UP FOR SALE: Turtle Island is on the market.

CHINESE and Sydney investors flag interest in Gladstone island.

Take a sneak peek at this $19m Whitsunday mansion

Mandalay House features a private helipad.

Mandalay is currently on the market with an asking price of $19m

Guess which Sunshine Coast suburb cracked the million dollar list?

This four-bedroom home at 26 McAnally Dr, Sunshine Beach was for sale for $7 million.

List of Australia's five most-expensive suburbs

Does it get any better than this? Check out this $2M home

LUXURY LIVING: The Coral Cove home built by Steve Coates Constructions that took out the best home over $2 million and the Wide Bay Burnett House of the Year at the Master Builders Wide Bay Burnett Housing and Construction Awards.

Wide Bay's best home is right on our doorstep