Lifestyle

Australia's got no talent

AUSTRALIAN amateur singers, jugglers and dancers are facing burnout with a boom in talent shows sparking a shortage of performers.

Reality performance show researcher Professor Geoff Bandstand said almost a decade of talent shows had severely depleted talent stakes and forced some celebrity wannabes to appear on up to five different shows in a single week to fill the quota.

"If the trend continues I expect within three years we will need to recycle Guy Sebastian and Shannon Noll and just hope nobody remembers they have already been on TV," he said.

Television insiders conceded they were struggling to find genuine talent to sustain a full season of talent programs.

"We are certainly becoming far less discerning," one insider said.

"These days we will pretty much take anyone who can sing vaguely in tune, dance without falling off stage or pull a rabbit out of a hat without killing it.

"In fact, on the rare occasion we uncover anyone with actual talent, everyone's jaw drops and it goes crazy on YouTube. A lot of genuine performers steer clear of the shows if only to avoid the banal interview with the annoying host at the end of the set."

Prof Bandstand said the shows also seemed less able to attract performers with bad attitudes who were prepared to storm off the stage or belittle the music talent of the judges.

"We have entered the era of the talent show wimp," he said.

"When people are told they have no talent or personality, and pretty much no prospects in life, they tend to thank the judges for their honesty rather than knocking over tables and using expletives.

"Even the nasty judges seem to have run out of energy. And if one more person talks about the journey they are on I will puke."

Research on the fate of talent show winners suggests that they have approximately zero per cent chance of becoming superstars and most will be totally forgotten after six months, except once a year at the Christmas carols concert.

Second albums by talent show contestants typically end up as landfill or stabilising tables on uneven floors.

"The best they can really hope for is a slot on Celebrity Apprentice or to put on a heap of weight and get a gig on a celebrity weight-loss show," statistician Bernie Sugar said.

Mr Sugar said the only other hope for these performers seemed to be exposure in women's magazines because of personal crises or relationship breakdowns, or through clustering of generic talent as boy bands singing soft pop for screaming 12-year-olds.

"They might also get a small slot on another reality show if they try to smuggle contraband into the country or they do something dramatic on Bondi Beach," he said.

 

>> Read more lifestyle stories.

Topics:  column entertainment humour opinion talent show thirsty cow



Don’t go chasing waterfalls…find them on these drives!

BRISBANE isn’t all bright lights and city slickers.

Science Festival seriously awesome

Don't miss the World Science Festival Brisbane!

CALLING everyone who wants to see something totally cool.

Drink where the cool kids do this summer

There are a bunch of new bars open in Brisbane, make sure you're there!

CHECK out these new funky bars.

Discover Brisbane’s laneway gems

Brisbane's laneways will surprise you.

NOT all of Brisbane City is as it seems…

Top five things to experience this summer in Brisbane

Tangalooma is amazing if you're keen for a dive, kayak or swim.

THIS summer get out and explore your capital city.

Your boots are made for walking these tours

Brisbane Greeters tours are a great way to learn the local history of the city.

YOU don’t need a bike or bus for a seriously good tour of Brisbane.

Is Brisbane the new arts and culture capital?

Check out GOMA's latest exhibition - it's all about hair! GOMA 10 Ambassador Patience Hodgson visits Nervescape V 2016 by Icelandic artist Hrafnhildur Arnardóttir (aka Shoplifter), commissioned for ‘Sugar Spin: you, me, art and everything’ at the Gallery of Modern Art, Brisbane. 
Photograph: Natasha Harth, QAGOMA

THE rest of the world should be envious of this line-up!

Raid nets cannabis crop, stash of weed, seeds and cash

Police net drugs in raid.

Police uncover cannabis crop, cash and other drug-related goods.

Sign on day for netball season

Tweed Netball Association's sign on day is on Saturday, February 25

"We can certainly accommodate more”

Students steer towards uni plan

UNI TALKS: Southern Cross University ambassador Avalon Price at Banora Point High School.

Southern Cross University student shares her story.

Local Partners

Take a tram to Mooball

Catching a tram from Mooball to Bryon could become a reality.


Sir Elton John coming to Mackay: What you need to know

Sir Elton will come to Mackay and Cairns in September.

Tickets to the concert go on sale on March 14

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT: Global superstar to rock Mackay in 2017

A major concert is set to rock Mackay this year.

Mackay, Cairns to host world's biggest superstars Sir Elton John

BIG RIDE: Matt to bring out smiles for Smiddy

LONG WAY ROUND: Matt Muir raises his bike in triumph on his ride last year.

Fundraiser at Yamba Shores Tavern ahead of 800km charity ride

MOVIE REVIEW: Trainspotting sequel as good as original

DIRECTOR Danny Boyle puts on a masterclass in how to use a 20-year gap between movies to your advantage.

How Karl Stefanovic's wife, kids found out about girlfriend

Karl Stefanovic and Jasmine Yarbrough after their day on Sydney Harbour. Picture: Jonathan Ng

Pictures splashed across tabloid were shock to family

WATCH: Toowoomba opera hopeful's incredible voice

Kaitlyn Orange attends Opera Queensland auditions at Empire Theatres for Opera at Jimbour, Saturday, February 18, 2017.

Opera hopefuls vie for parts in performance at Jimbour House

MKR turns spiteful in suddendeath elimination

Alyse and Matt battled Josh and Amy in a spiteful elimination cook-off.

Bottom of the ladder faces off in spiteful sudden-death cook-off.

Jilted Married At First Sight groom rejected again

Is Married at First Sight groom's second chance over already?

Sir Elton John coming to Mackay: What you need to know

Sir Elton will come to Mackay and Cairns in September.

Tickets to the concert go on sale on March 14

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT: Global superstar to rock Mackay in 2017

A major concert is set to rock Mackay this year.

Mackay, Cairns to host world's biggest superstars Sir Elton John

Popular island resort sells to loaded international investor

OUR PICK: Chris Foey's colourful shot of one of Gladstone's great tourism hot spots, Heron Island.

International investor snaps up piece of Gladstone paradise.

Potential home buyers punished for doing the 'right thing'

Should I go to university or buy a house?

Get Moo-ving to Mooball

The old Pacific Highway and Murwillumbah railway line cut a parrallel path throughThe thriving village of Mooball , looking North East towards Murwillumbah and Mount Warning.

An expansion plan has been approved.

What $11.9m can get you on Coast's most exclusive street

29-31 Wyuna Drive Noosaville Qld 4566

This is what a cool $11.9m can get you

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!