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Smack or no smack - where do you stand?

Smack or no smack - where do you stand?

IT IS something that has divided parents for decades - to smack or not to smack? We asked our mums.

Hear what they said in episode two, and here is a few extra bits for your enjoyment. 

Susie O'Neill
Susie O'Neill Marc Stapelberg

Where do you stand on smacking and why? 

SUSIE: I used to be pro-smacking. Now that my son is 10 I realised it hasn't worked. And also now he is too strong and fast even if I wanted to smack him. When he gets frustrated and upset with his sister he still resorts to hitting - probably because I have been modelling that behaviour for the last 10 years! He needs to learn to solve problems with words - something I could work on too! Also, I am doing a psychology course at the moment at studies show that positive reinforcement is so much better than punishment if you want someone to do a particular behaviour...

HEAR WHAT THE EXPERT SAYS and leave your comments here. 

Dee
Dee Marc Stapelberg

DEE: Numchucks! No, just kidding. When time and activities permit, we try to have family meetings. We make the rules and consequences clear from the beginning. They always try to push the boundaries and then we enforce the consequences which they understand from the meeting/ talk we have previously have. We like to fully involve the children and allow them to voice their opinion, even when it comes to the consequences. We find something that means a lot to them and take that away from them if they break the family rules ie. phone, stay up late, friends over, iPad, sports carnivals, pocket money, not going to a party. I find taking the things away from them that they love is very effective but sometimes it is not pretty. Rarely do I send them to their rooms anymore as that is usually where they would rather be.  I don't believe in discipline by fear which is what smacking is, I believe they learn more when they are involved in the process.

Were you smacked as a child? What effects did this have on you and your decision to smack/not smack as a parent?

Gisela
Gisela Marc Stapelberg

GISELA: I have a vivid memory of my mum sitting with her belt hanging over the dining room chair while we were eating dinner but I can't recall getting smacked with it. Having three brothers, and me being the annoying little sister, I was always fighting with my older brothers! I think Mum would get so tired of it and would threaten to whip us if kept arguing, but I don't remember actually getting smacked.  Another thing I do remember I did not get often as a kid or teenager was a follow-up as to why I was in trouble. My husband and I believe in firm discipline followed by a heart to heart (we are so Full House) - just kidding. But I do think that's been critical for me to make sure I go back and talk to my kids about why I'm disciplining them. So to answer your question, yes we've smacked on the hand and bottom (if time out isn't working) and it is usually followed by a warning, thankfully these days Esme (my almost 3 year old) knows to stop misbehaving once I start counting to 3 (which is proof that the discipline is working, in my book).

 

How do you reward your children when they are well-behaved?

Meltopia
Meltopia Marc Stapelberg

MEL: They get to live another day. My kids are quite well behaved in public, which is all I care about.  At home I yell and scream like a banshee for them to do stuff that I've asked them nicely to do 16,000 times. If I do reward them, I don't use food. They may get to purchase from the school Book Club etc.

Has there ever been a time where you have been confronted for smacking your child by a stranger or friend, who has not agreed with your methods? What happened?

Katie
Katie Marc Stapelberg

KATIE: I've only been confronted by grandparents "that's a bit much" and " they are only trying to..." I developed my own rules for smacking. Repeated defiance and dangerous behaviour. That way I'm not smacking out of anger or frustration. 

Miss last week's episode on technology? WATCH IT HERE