Jody Allen reckons she has earned a PhD in exercise dodging.
Jody Allen reckons she has earned a PhD in exercise dodging. Patrick Woods

Confessions of an exercise dodger

IF I had to list my talents on a resume, right up the top would be "Exercise Dodger". In fact I would have a PhD on the topic.

For many years I have collected exercise equipment. And it has in turn collected dust or become a hanger for my washing when it is raining and the dryer is full. A few years ago I begged my husband for a treadmill. The reasons I gave for wanting one included:

A. I can watch Dr Phil and exercise at the same time - win/win.

B. It would save money on a gym membership.

C. I don't have to go outside to exercise (as I don't do sun)

He said "No - you won't use it." So I ignored his wishes like the good wife I am and went out and bought one anyway. And you know, I don't use it. "Told you so," he said. Meh.

Then there was the rowing machine.

A. I will have abs of steel - maybe even a six-pack.

B. I love rowing a boat - it will be exactly the same but drier.

C. I don't have to go outside to exercise (sun = bad).

About $700 poorer, I don't even know where that rowing machine is now…probably where exercise equipment goes to die. "Knew you'd never use it," he said. So I poked my tongue out at him like a three-year-old.

Then I bought an elliptical trainer off eBay.

A. It is second hand - I can't lose money on it.

B. It is an exercise bike and a treadmill - I will be twice as fit as anything else I could get.

C. I don't have to go outside to exercise (bad things happen outside).

Five puffed minutes later, I was heard complaining that it made my hips hurt. "Fat tax machine," he scoffed. That's now what he calls all the fitness equipment I buy and don't use.

In the interim I've bought:

1. Hand weights (they make my arms ache).

2. An inflatable ball that popped after rolling down the paddock and getting stuck on the barbed wire fence.

3. Those rubber bands that offer resistance (rotted in the sun after I left it in the yard).

And as I sit here writing this, eating a strawberry cupcake and sipping an iced coffee with cream on top, I think to myself that maybe I'm not built for speed, just comfort.

Jody Allen is the founder of Stay At Home Mum:

http://www.stayathomemum.com.au



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