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'I apologise every day that I am not the person he married'

LAYING on the bathroom floor, tears flooding down her face and her eyes filled with hopelessness.

That's how Deanne Stock's husband found her when he realised she was not coping.

The Sunshine Coast mother of two said like most mothers, she didn't know she had postnatal depression until after her second child.

"When my daughter was four months, I was laying on the bathroom floor crying and my husband happened to come home for lunch that day which he never usually did," Dee said.

"That's where he found me and said 'I think it's time we went to the doctor'.

"The doctor gave me a video to watch - not once mentioning anything about postnatal depression and just told me to watch it to see if I could relate.

"Even watching it I didn't know what I was watching, but I could relate to everything on it.

"Then at the end it said you may have PND."

RELATED: Having battled PND four times, Mel says the secret is sleep

'All I heard when my baby cried was 'you're a terrible mum'.'

It took her a few weeks to accept it, but that came like a double-edged sword.

"When you put the label on it, it's like someone saying 'there is something wrong with you'," Deanne said.

"That makes you not want to talk about it, but you have to because that's the only way you can get better."

For Deanne, anti-depressants weren't an option after seeing her mother's battle with medications and the rollercoaster that came with it.

"My doctor suggested I go back to work and that was the best thing I did. I got a sense of myself back," she said.

"I had no idea how much you had to give up to be a mother."

Deanne also started running - and she hasn't stopped. She now runs half-marathons and is a part of her local running clubs.

"I found something I loved doing for me and only me," she said.

Deanne Stock (right) says heading back to work helped ease her postnatal depression.
Deanne Stock (right) says heading back to work helped ease her postnatal depression.

"I look at myself like a tank. When you do things for others the tank gets lower, but you have to refill it with things for yourself or you can't do any more.

"There have been times I have wanted to opt out, I have been suicidal and thought the kids would be better off without me.

"I will talk about it with my husband and he will say 'remember all the good stuff too' and I think that's really important."

And while she is worlds better than she was, Deanne admits she still doesn't know if she will ever fully recover.

"I lost who I was. That happy, vibrant person. I still don't know if I have ever got that back and I apologise every day to my husband that I am not the person he married."

Miss last week's episode on kids' health and nutrition? WATCH IT HERE.

Check out our week two episode on 'smack or no smack' HERE.

And out week one episode on technology HERE. 

Topics:  heymumma heymummawork parenting postnatal depression



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