Lifestyle

It takes two to combat mistrust in a relationship

Q MY HUSBAND thinks I am cheating on him but I am not.

I never have and every once in a while he gets it in his head that I have met someone else and am preparing to leave him.

I don't do anything to prompt him thinking this.

Nothing in our routine or intimacy changes, and I'm as affectionate as I always am.

He has been cheated on in the past and has self-esteem problems so I think he tends to be more negative about relationships.

But to be honest, I'm growing tired of the jealousy and suspicion and lack of trust.

I want to make the marriage work, but how do I get him to believe I am his faithful wife?

 

A When someone has low self-esteem and has been cheated on and rejected in the past, they may develop a fear of being left again, as well as a low sense of self-worth.

They may feel unworthy of long-time love and devotion and become a person who believes they aren't worth staying with.

Their fear can grow stronger and in fact sometimes can manifest into reality.

We can create that which we fear by not understanding ourselves.

If what you say is true and there is no outward change in your relationship, it sounds as though from time to time his fear overwhelms him and his mind starts to tell him the relationship must be coming to an end, you must have found someone else and discovered he is not enough for you, and so he convinces himself this must be the case.

Innocent as you are of his fears, it must be frustrating to have to deal with them on an ongoing basis.

Has he tried counselling to address his anxiety about the marriage and you as a partner leaving him?

Have you tried counselling together to learn effective communication together?

Communication in a marriage is not just about talking, but listening and understanding what is in each other's hearts, minds as well as the baggage we all carry into relationships from our childhood and past relationships.

It would be important that you both break this reactive cycle of waiting for his fear, jealousy and sense of worthlessness to grow and dominate, and then cope with it when it rears its head.

It would be far better to create a healthy relationship in which you both feel safe, supported, loyal, trusting and loved.

Given your husband's past and self-esteem issues, it may take some time to achieve this, but even initiating the process is a hopeful and healthy step.

So if you want the marriage to work in the long term, the responsibility of healing the mistrust and disbelief between you rests with both of you.

It's not just up to him to address his fears and baggage and not just up to you to manage your frustrations and reactions.

Both of you must commit to a co-operative and supportive relationship with each other, determined to set new patterns and communication together, without fear of cheating, leaving or dishonesty and with understanding, commitment and true partnership.

A counsellor can help guide you in this process, but in the end, it will be up to both of you to change the way you think, and love.

 

>> To read more lifestyle stories

Topics:  dating lifestyle love relationships



Don’t go chasing waterfalls…find them on these drives!

BRISBANE isn’t all bright lights and city slickers.

Science Festival seriously awesome

Don't miss the World Science Festival Brisbane!

CALLING everyone who wants to see something totally cool.

Drink where the cool kids do this summer

There are a bunch of new bars open in Brisbane, make sure you're there!

CHECK out these new funky bars.

Discover Brisbane’s laneway gems

Brisbane's laneways will surprise you.

NOT all of Brisbane City is as it seems…

Top five things to experience this summer in Brisbane

Tangalooma is amazing if you're keen for a dive, kayak or swim.

THIS summer get out and explore your capital city.

Your boots are made for walking these tours

Brisbane Greeters tours are a great way to learn the local history of the city.

YOU don’t need a bike or bus for a seriously good tour of Brisbane.

Is Brisbane the new arts and culture capital?

Check out GOMA's latest exhibition - it's all about hair! GOMA 10 Ambassador Patience Hodgson visits Nervescape V 2016 by Icelandic artist Hrafnhildur Arnardóttir (aka Shoplifter), commissioned for ‘Sugar Spin: you, me, art and everything’ at the Gallery of Modern Art, Brisbane. 
Photograph: Natasha Harth, QAGOMA

THE rest of the world should be envious of this line-up!

Waterfront luxury in Tweed

14 The Mainbrace, Tweed Heads

Check out house of the week.

Tweed MP to fight to have daylight savings reduced

Tweed MP Geoff Provest want daylight saving reduced by one month.

Tweed set to fight to have daylight savings reduced by a month.

Live music: Boogie on down this weekend

Moreland & Arbuckle will be playing the Currumbin Soundlounge on Friday from 8.30pm.

Gig Guide: What's on around Tweed (Feb 23 - 27)

Local Partners

New festival joins Quiksilver Pro party

The Rubens, Beautiful girls join line up for inaugural festival

Live music: Boogie on down this weekend

Moreland & Arbuckle will be playing the Currumbin Soundlounge on Friday from 8.30pm.

Gig Guide: What's on around Tweed (Feb 23 - 27)

Bliss N Eso announce tribute show for stuntman

Bliss N Eso will play a tribute show at Coolangatta in honour of Johann Ofner. The stuntman died during the filming of the group's Friend Like You film clip earlier this year.

BLISS N Eso to play tribute show to raise funds for killed stuntman

Neil Finn to headline Bluesfest

Neil Finn, of Crowded House fame, will play in Byron Bay with his wife Sharon and their band The Pyjama Club on June 11.

DON'T dream, it's not over, Neil Finn to hit the stage

MOVIE REVIEW: Trainspotting sequel as good as original

Ewen Bremner in a scene from the movie T2: Trainspotting.

Director Danny Boyle proves sequels can be done well.

How Karl Stefanovic's wife, kids found out about girlfriend

Karl Stefanovic and Jasmine Yarbrough after their day on Sydney Harbour. Picture: Jonathan Ng

Pictures splashed across tabloid were shock to family

WATCH: Toowoomba opera hopeful's incredible voice

Kaitlyn Orange attends Opera Queensland auditions at Empire Theatres for Opera at Jimbour, Saturday, February 18, 2017.

Opera hopefuls vie for parts in performance at Jimbour House

Waterfront luxury in Tweed

14 The Mainbrace, Tweed Heads

Check out house of the week.

Popular island resort sells to loaded international investor

OUR PICK: Chris Foey's colourful shot of one of Gladstone's great tourism hot spots, Heron Island.

International investor snaps up piece of Gladstone paradise.

Potential home buyers punished for doing the 'right thing'

Should I go to university or buy a house?

Get Moo-ving to Mooball

The old Pacific Highway and Murwillumbah railway line cut a parrallel path throughThe thriving village of Mooball , looking North East towards Murwillumbah and Mount Warning.

An expansion plan has been approved.

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!