Lifestyle

It takes two to combat mistrust in a relationship

Q MY HUSBAND thinks I am cheating on him but I am not.

I never have and every once in a while he gets it in his head that I have met someone else and am preparing to leave him.

I don't do anything to prompt him thinking this.

Nothing in our routine or intimacy changes, and I'm as affectionate as I always am.

He has been cheated on in the past and has self-esteem problems so I think he tends to be more negative about relationships.

But to be honest, I'm growing tired of the jealousy and suspicion and lack of trust.

I want to make the marriage work, but how do I get him to believe I am his faithful wife?

 

A When someone has low self-esteem and has been cheated on and rejected in the past, they may develop a fear of being left again, as well as a low sense of self-worth.

They may feel unworthy of long-time love and devotion and become a person who believes they aren't worth staying with.

Their fear can grow stronger and in fact sometimes can manifest into reality.

We can create that which we fear by not understanding ourselves.

If what you say is true and there is no outward change in your relationship, it sounds as though from time to time his fear overwhelms him and his mind starts to tell him the relationship must be coming to an end, you must have found someone else and discovered he is not enough for you, and so he convinces himself this must be the case.

Innocent as you are of his fears, it must be frustrating to have to deal with them on an ongoing basis.

Has he tried counselling to address his anxiety about the marriage and you as a partner leaving him?

Have you tried counselling together to learn effective communication together?

Communication in a marriage is not just about talking, but listening and understanding what is in each other's hearts, minds as well as the baggage we all carry into relationships from our childhood and past relationships.

It would be important that you both break this reactive cycle of waiting for his fear, jealousy and sense of worthlessness to grow and dominate, and then cope with it when it rears its head.

It would be far better to create a healthy relationship in which you both feel safe, supported, loyal, trusting and loved.

Given your husband's past and self-esteem issues, it may take some time to achieve this, but even initiating the process is a hopeful and healthy step.

So if you want the marriage to work in the long term, the responsibility of healing the mistrust and disbelief between you rests with both of you.

It's not just up to him to address his fears and baggage and not just up to you to manage your frustrations and reactions.

Both of you must commit to a co-operative and supportive relationship with each other, determined to set new patterns and communication together, without fear of cheating, leaving or dishonesty and with understanding, commitment and true partnership.

A counsellor can help guide you in this process, but in the end, it will be up to both of you to change the way you think, and love.

 

>> To read more lifestyle stories

Topics:  dating lifestyle love relationships



Date nights under $50

ACCORDING to The Bachelor falling in love involves helicopter rides, private jets, shopping trips, and we mustn’t forget the hot tubs.

Brisbane's arts and culture events centre stage

You loved the film, now you're about to love the musical. Don't miss The Bodyguard The Musical in Brisbane this July.

THE arts and culture events you don't want to miss.

Homewares stores to fulfil your Instagram dreams

No Caption

You too can become an Insta-star with these fab stores.

Top 10 Brisbane experiences to cross off your bucket list

Do yourself a favour and get amongst the food truck scene. Eat Street is a great place to start.

A GOOD bucket list doesn’t have to span continents or cost millions.

Six mega sporting events you need to be at this year

Don't miss all the action trackside this season.

IF THERE is one thing Brisbane does damn well, it’s play host.

Six reasons to get to Brisbane this Autumn

The Brisbane Powerhouse has free comedy on Friday nights.

AUTUMN has to be up there with one of the best seasons of the year.

The best things to do in Brisbane are FREE. Yes, FREE

Mt Coot-tha is a seriously gorgeous way to start your day.

HEADING to the big smoke doesn’t have to come with a big price tag.

LIVE BLOG: Two debutants in Blues team for Origin I

Jarryd Hayne will return to the NSW side.

The heroes of Cyclone Debbie

TWEED'S HEROES: The story of how John Lawrence, Shyam Bryan and Johnny Norris helped rescue 13 people from the flooded Greenhills Caravan Park is featured in the national book released to raise money for flood victims.

Commemorative book to raise money for victims.

Local Partners

19 dead, 50 injured in Ariana Grande 'terror attack'

NINETEEN people have been killed and at least 50 people have been injured following a terror attack in Manchester

Pitch Perfect star suing Woman’s Day over ‘liar’ articles

Actor Rebel Wilson outside court on Friday.

REBEL Wilson's career destroyed by grubby campaign, court hears.

Seven Year Switch: The boner to end all boners

Johnny’s outraged over claims he has a cracked boner.

She gulps. Her face says it all.

Bay to star in Hollywood shark thriller ‘Cage Dive’

Cage Dive, written and directed by Gerald Rascionato, is now screening in the United States of America. It had scenes filmed in Hervey Bay.

And our visiting humpback whales also make appearance.

Celebrity sex tapes: Where does all that money go?

Basically, did Paris and Kim earn fortunes from their videos?

Cher, 71, and Celine Dion wow world at Billboard Awards

“I’m 71 yesterday and I can do a five-minute plank, OK.”

Judah's return to The Voice stage is a knockout

Judah Kelly performs during his knockout round on The Voice.

QUEENSLAND singer nails Adele hit.

One of Maryborough's most historic homes is still for sale

FULL OF HISTORY: Trisha Moulds is owner of the historic Tinana state known as Rosehill. The beautiful home is currently for sale.

It has been the scene of both joy and tragedies over the years.

The face of the Sunshine Coast's overpriced rental crisis

Alyx Wilson had to rent a $385 unit in Currimundi because the market was too competitive for cheaper rental housing. She is now renting a room from friends who own a house in Currimundi, and says its much more affordable.

Young people feel the strain in competitive, expensive rental market

WATCH: Take a tour of a tradie's dream home

5a Bruce Hiskens Court, Norman Gardens, going for $720,000. INSET: Lea Taylor.

Huge block with potential for anything

REVEALED: Where it's cheaper to pay off a mortgage than rent

6/190 Ewing Rd, Woodridge, is listed for offers $215,000. Picture: realestate.com.au

Brisbane suburbs where it is cheaper to buy than rent

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!