Just lie.
Just lie.

Bach’s massively wrong answer

A LUDICROUS question deserves a ludicrous answer, and that's what we've been given on The Bachelorette in an stunning standoff between Ali and a frontrunner who refuses to tell her what she wants to hear.

Sometimes it's OK to lie. Like if the purpose of the lie is to save someone else's feelings - that's actually admirable. Most people are fine with those kinds of lies. It's also OK to lie for the greater good. Like when I worked at a coffee shop in uni and customers would ask, "That's on almond milk, yeah?" after receiving their coffee and I would say yes even though it wasn't.

On one hand, those customers could've been hospitalised due to extremely severe dairy intolerances but, on the other hand, the people in the queue behind them weren't held up because of some random stranger's fussy request for weird made-up milk. So lying for the greater good is perfectly acceptable, particularly if it involves lying to people with annoying food requirements.

But what about lying to win a reality show? Totally fine. Unfortunately, it seems we've got another Nick Cummins on our hands with a Bachelorette contestant who doesn't want to lie about being in love. Some people are incredibly selfish. And it could cost him.

Aber zuerst, wurst!

That's German for, "But first, sausage!"

It's the final group date of the series and we attend the most heterosexual event of the year: Oktoberfest. Guten morgen, bitches. Strap some lederhosen braces to your eyelids and try to stay awake.

Many wienerwurst.
Many wienerwurst.

With hometown visits coming up later this week, the pressure is on for Ali to whittle down this bunch of no-hopers. She has finetuned her vision and she knows what she wants in a man.

"I'm looking for the person who can drink the most beer," she nods surely.

When the work drinks has an open bar tab.
When the work drinks has an open bar tab.

When Bill scores private time with Ali, she whispers something in his ear that all men dream of hearing on a hot first date.

"Do you like sausage?" she asks.


Bill is a man who knows how to lie. He has no problem telling Ali what she wants to hear and would probably also lie to someone with food intolerances.

His lie tonight comes in three simple words.

"I love Adelaide," he beams. He says he would happily sell his business and uproot his life to move there for Ali. And Ali believes it.

It's a skill Taite should've learned before his single date. He has become a front runner in the last leg of the competition and Ali is totally obsessed.

"I'm so excited to see Taite today," she tells us while perched on her favourite cliff face.

Having a favourite contemplation rock is the hot new trend.
Having a favourite contemplation rock is the hot new trend.

She woke up early and hiked up the rocky terrain to be alone with her feelings and watch the sun rise. Ali's all about holistic rituals and I'm totally the same. Upon rising, I drive my Honda to the nearest service station to buy a gross cup of 7-11 coffee and sip it on my way to work while contemplating all the things I hate about myself and others. It's important to

have rituals.

Anyway, Taite's now the frontrunner. At first his hotness was the main reason Ali was into him, but now she keeps throwing around the word "reassurance".

After wading in a nearby rock pool, they sit wrapped in each other's arms and answer a bunch of questions that are all a little demanding for a second date.

"I would like reassurance. I wanna know how you feel about me," Ali requests.

Now's the perfect time for Taite to tell a small lie, but he doesn't.

This leads to an even more confronting question.

"Are you open to being engaged by the end of the year?" she quizzes him.

Obviously this question is ridiculous. But ridiculous questions call for ridiculous answers, so it's totally fine to lie here too. But he doesn't. This is the first of many wrong answers Taite gives tonight.

"If it feels right … It's just knowing I'm with the right person … (Through) time …" he stumbles.

Ali's unconvinced. She asks what his deal-breakers are. It seems Taite doesn't really know what "deal-breakers" are and he just starts listing negative personal traits about himself.

"(I have) self doubt. That I'm not good enough for the person," he stutters.

Ali starts to freak out.

"Can you promise me you'll never walk away?" she asks firmly.

Again, now is when you lie.

'I can't promise that," he says.

Ugh, sweet and innocent and kind boys are so dumb.


Finally, she begs him for reassurance again. Even just the vaguest of words strung together to show that he's in this for good. But, again, he refuses to give her what she wants to hear. Instead, he basically tells her to date everyone else in the mansion besides him.

"I still don't know, like, what connections you're having with other guys here. And it kills me to know that there's a stronger connection than this," he says. "But for now I'm literally just sitting back and letting you soak in everything because I also want you, if you do have strong feelings for the other guys here, to give it every chance you've got. And I want you to be happy. Because you deserve the best."

What's a gal to do. No, Ali doesn't want a liar. But she also kinda does.

"I just want someone willing to stand up and say I love this girl. I don't even care if I'm the last one or not," she shrieks to us.

Ali doesn't know what to do. Does she really want a guy who's not prepared to lie about how much he loves her after only eight weeks? It's a risky move.

They return to the cocktail party in silence.

Daniel's determined to get some alone time with Ali to tell her some Very Important Information. He drags her away from the boys and he nervously composes himself.

"I wanted to bring you over here … because … I just wanted to say …" he stumbles, carefully thinking about each word he says.

Just as we're about to hear the Very Important Information, Todd interrupts. It throws Daniel off. But what about the Very Important Information!

"Anyhoo," Daniel snips, abandoning his big revelation. "Cheers to a bright future. Tonight's not the right setting to bring up what I wanted to say."

Screw bright futures! Tell us the Very Important Information!

With Todd lurking in a nearby shrub, Daniel isn't brave enough to confide in us anymore. And that's fine. We don't really want a guy who says words like "anyhoo".

Daniel believes Ali will acknowledge his intentions and reward him with a rose tonight. Surely she will see he was trying to give her the reassurance she has been begging for from the other men. But she doesn't. He's sent home.

He knows he should've revealed his Very Important Information. It could've saved him. Now, no one will ever know.


For more observations on lederhosen and contemplation rocks, follow me on Twitter and Facebook: @hellojamesweir

That’s what you get for saying words like ‘anyhoo’.
That’s what you get for saying words like ‘anyhoo’.

First look: Burleigh’s new ‘experimental’ brewery

Premium Content First look: Burleigh’s new ‘experimental’ brewery

Hard Fizz hoping to feature local foods and produce

Wildlife heroes to support native animals during bushfires

Premium Content Wildlife heroes to support native animals during bushfires

Veterinarians will be able to access better training

Daughter’s tribute to Sydney to Hobart Yacht race winner

Premium Content Daughter’s tribute to Sydney to Hobart Yacht race winner

The Ballina local lost his life after falling over board at Ballina