ON THE COUCH with Sarah Bergman

WE ALL have them, but more often than not, people are unfamiliar with their emotions; how they feel and the difference between the two.

Our emotions and how we feel are important as they are responsible for directing most of our behaviour and informing our needs.

Being able to recognise, feel and name our emotions is an important step toward increasing our emotional intelligence. We can then begin to make better choices for ourselves and lead a fuller and healthier life.

So what is emotion?

Emotion is a physiological experience that gives you information about the situation you are in or the people you are with. For example joy, sorrow, anger and fear are all emotions accompanied by certain physiological changes like increased heart rate, tension, nausea, tears and butterflies etc.

But what is the difference between the two? Emotions are a physiological experience played out in the body, while feelings are your conscious experience of the emotion itself, played out in the mind.

Feelings are basically the next thing that happens after having an emotion, they are subjective in that they are influenced by personal experience, temperament, beliefs, thoughts, past experiences and memories. A feeling is the mental portrayal of what is going on in your body.

How you feel about an emotion may vary greatly from person to person and situation to situation.

Emotions can also be unwittingly constructed. For example, just thinking about something threatening can trigger an emotional fear response in your body. Being aware of when you are doing this and using techniques to stop an unhelpful emotional construction is also a part of emotional intelligence.

It is important to understand that while emotions are temporary (fear), the feelings they evoke (anxiety) may persist and grow over a lifetime. Life can then become a never-ending cycle of painful and confusing emotions producing negative feelings which cause more negative emotions without you ever really knowing why.

Often emotions are disowned or avoided through the use of work, alcohol, TV, relationships and conflict etc. Not making friends with and getting to know your emotions can lead to health issues, relationship breakdown, stress and other unwanted situations.

So slow down and spend some time getting to know your emotions and how you feel. They are a big part of who you are.

* Sarah Bergman provides counselling through the practice of Gestalt psychotherapy at her Tweed practice. Visit www.counsellingonthecoast.com.au