Sack the saboteur, hit goals
ARE you standing in the way of your own success?
Are you tired of not getting what you want out of life?
Are you tired of being the one that keeps getting in the way of your happiness?
For example, do you really want to lose weight, but can't stop yourself from over-eating?
Self-sabotage behaviour can leave you feeling frustrated and discouraged, and it can destroy your self esteem.
Self-sabotage behaviour does not involve a lack of desire, skills, knowledge or effort.
Rather, there's an internal conflict that's stronger than your desire and it sabotages your efforts to do and have the things you want.
Our inner saboteur is often activated when we feel strong emotions.
Usually these are positive feelings. For example, if someone expects rejection and instead experiences joy and happiness, it conflicts with their repressed expectation, so becoming a saboteur is a way of dealing with that by creating an outcome that does not conflict with their beliefs.
Another example would be growing up being told relationships bring you pain, perhaps by a parent who has had bad experiences.
This could similarly cause you to sabotage a good relationship by starting arguments with your partner.
The ensuing misery vindicates your belief.
Are you ready to break free from your inner saboteur?
Here are some ways to start breaking the pattern:
- Detect your behaviour patterns: Ask a friend for feedback or keep a journal to help you recognise patterns of self-sabotaging behaviour.
- Make inaction worse than action: Write a cheque for an uncomfortable amount of money to an organisation you don't believe in and give it to a friend.
Tell them to post it off if you don't do what you say you are going to do by a certain date.
- Name your emotions: Practice naming underlying emotions to help pinpoint self-limiting beliefs.
Admit you are afraid of change, success or commitment.
- Give yourself a week: Commit to a different course of action for just one week.
Self-sabotaging behaviours can limit happiness and achievements in your life.
Breaking free from sabotaging behaviours will allow you to finally accomplish your valued goals.
Andrea Haddock is a psychologist practising in Main Street, Murwillumbah. Appointments can be made by phoning 0432 887 918.