Smiths turn their back on Warnie
He might be known as the Spin King, but since his retirement there's been a single cause arguably closer than cricket to Shane Warne's heart. Or to his … stomach.
In the five years since Tasty Toobs were sadly discontinued, the Fox Sports commentator has passionately advocated to bring the Aussie snack icon back to supermarket shelves.
There have been videos, hashtags and heartfelt declarations from Warnie about the gaping hole the chips have left in not just his personal food pyramid, but those of thousands of Australians.
A news.com.au survey, calling on people to vote for which "forgotten Aussie snack should come back", overwhelmingly found the humble Toobs are most missed, raking in more than 50 per cent of the vote.
Fans say returning Toobs to the shelves "could save 2020 for all Australians" and news.com.au is campaigning to bring them back in all their glory.
Warnie's rightful place is at the helm of this cause.
But just 24 hours after Warnie hijacked the broadcast of India's win over Australia in Wednesday's third one-day international to spread the word, Toobs' former maker Smiths have turned their back on him - and the rest of us fighting for this dream to become a reality.
Earlier this week - after five years of radio silence on the topic - a Smiths spokeswoman told news.com.au the company was aware "there's a lot of love out there for them, we love them too".
And while she said there's "nothing planned for the immediate future", she did say: "we'd never say never".
We repeat: "WE'D NEVER SAY NEVER".
A sign of hope, we thought, in a year when hope has been in short supply, before spreading the first inkling of good news we'd heard in months - heck, years.
Warnie caught wind of our campaign and jumped on the bandwagon.
"I would like to lead the charge," he said, holding up a picture of the tangy snack while a bemused Isa Guha and Mark Howard looked on.
"Bring back the Toob! They're unbelievable. They're like a Cheezel but a barbecue-type flavour. It's unique, it's like special, secret herbs and spices in the Toob."
With countless Australians and the Spin King behind us, we went back to Smiths.
We'd established there was in fact a loyal fan base (with some people declaring they'd buy them by the boxful), found a face for the campaign and gotten everyone more hyped to panic buy Toobs than they did toilet paper.
All Smiths needed to do was say yes.
"Like we said, it's great to have so much love for one of our products," came their reply when news.com.au relayed all of this information to the company yesterday.
"Sadly our stance hasn't changed, we still don't have any plans to bring them back in the immediate future. But if that plan changes you'll be one of the first to know, closely followed by Shane Warne."
We won't lie, it was a pretty crushing disappointment to hear such HEARTLESS words; to see Warnie's vulnerable plea for the return of his beloved tangy snack brushed aside.
Lesser men and women would take this as a sign of defeat. But if we've learnt one thing in the past decade, it's that nothing - Donald Trump being elected US President, a global pandemic prompting people to pull knives over a bathroom staple, the PM finally learning the correct pronunciation of "barre" - is impossible.
We promise we WILL NOT ABANDON this fight. We will see this campaign through to the very end: when Tasty Toobs are back in stock at your local Coles and Woolies.
Do not fear, fellow Toob fiends. It may not be today, or tomorrow, but we will - with your help - turn Smiths' lack of a plan into one that will restore joy to all Australians for years to come.
Tell us in the comments below why Toobs need to return. How many packets would you buy if Smiths released them again? What would this mean to you, your great aunt, your firstborn child? What steps should we take next to bring them back?
This is only just the beginning.
- with James Matthey
Originally published as Smiths turn their back on Warnie