Strange Politics: Send your local MP a ball gag
FINALLY, a sadomasochistic solution for voters weary of politicians' learn-by-rote drivelling.
You can now send a ball gag and a heartfelt message of contempt to your least favourite gum-flapping pollie for just $14.99.
Some wise guy (not me, alas) has set up a website called GagYourMP.com that claims to do exactly what its name suggests.
Choose your most gibbering MP or senator, attach an anonymous message, enter your details and Barnaby's your uncle.
Their electorate office will receive a synthetic leather neck strap (adjustable for comfort, naturally) with a bright red, speech-impeding sphere bound for their sloganeering gob.
One card has already been sent to Liberal Party fringe-dweller Senator Cory Bernardi, whose safe word this Strange Politics correspondent imagines would be "traditional-family".
"Thank you for being the inspiration behind this project," said the greeting card, as posted on Twitter.
"Your kind words have helped dismantle Safe Schools; a program put in place to help our vulnerable children.
"Please use this next time you want to help."
No word on whether Immigration Minister Peter Dutton has taken delivery one of these must-have accessories for any discerning bondage dabbler.
But have you heard anything but a peep from him in weeks?
It is almost as though Dutton was so taken with his new hypothetical mouth-wear that he is surviving on a soup-only diet in the little-known dungeon under Kirribilli House.
Presumably, a pub steak would be off the menu.
Either that or Malcolm Turnbull has finally twigged that a PR disaster ensues every time the Member for Dickson opens his mouth about illiterate refugees and swore him to silence, at least as far as unscripted interviews go.
Assumedly, Labor's forgetful property mogul David Feeney has had a similar tap on his shoulder.
I had a chat with GagYourMP.com's creator, Tyler Hamilton, about what prompted the bizarre concept.
"During the Safe Schools fiasco, I read online about somebody wanting to send a shipment of butt plugs to Cory Bernadi to stop him from talking out of his a***," Mr Hamilton said.
"I thought that this was funny and wondered if there was actually a way to do anything similar.
"Ball gags just seemed to make more sense.
"After the idea hadn't left my head, I decided to order a shipment of ball gags from China and go for it."
Strange Politics is not entirely sure this is what the Coalition had in mind when it launched its Ideas Boom.
Strange Politics is a satirical column. Follow Chris Calcino on Twitter: @ChrisCalcino