Things that always happen on TV...
Things that always happen on TV...

YOUR SAY: Things that always happen on TV...

Things that must be true, because it happens on television:

1. Women should always investigate any strange noises at night wearing their most revealing underwear.

2. Anyone can land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

3. Lipstick never rubs off, even when scuba diving.

4. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place as no one will ever think to look for you in there. You can travel to any part of the building via the ventilation system without difficulty.

5. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will suffice.

6. A man will show no pain whilst taking the most ferocious beating, but he will wince when a woman tenderly cleans his wounds.

7. When paying for a taxi, don't look at the notes inside your wallet. Just hand the driver a random note (or a handful of notes). It will always be the exact fare.

8. Cars and trucks that crash always burst into flames.

9. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

10. It doesn't matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have taken out their predecessor.

11. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room is still visible, just slightly bluish.

12. Dogs know who is bad and they will naturally growl and/or bark at them.

13. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks that always allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

14. A detective can only solve a case once they are suspended from duty.

15. If you start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will join in, instinctively knowing the steps.

What's on in the Tweed this weekend

What's on in the Tweed this weekend

Your full entertainment guide.

Tweed school steps back in time

Tweed school steps back in time

A time capsule from 25 years ago will be opened.

Daring show the classic seduction

Daring show the classic seduction

Ballet as you've never seen it before is on today.